The Unknown

I turned the night in my bed as if my corpse was in a casket on an unguided ship cast in a storm of doubt ,, hesitation,,,,,,,,, everything is black inside and out. I feel lifeless and do not know if I am alive or is it just a dream.I have yet but a sense of starkness doubt that has taken its place. Hollow halls beckon me as if my soul no longer beats,,,, the will to find peace has fallen by the wayside.. I seem to be the only person invited to this reception of no return. I see nothing ,I feel nothing, my whole self has abandoned ship and left me to whither in this despair of emptiness. The emotional faucets have been turned off,, I am all alone and I am forced to accept that no one can help me . How did I end up on this course ? Youth, success, beauty,, I followed all the rules, read every instruction , followed the rules of the game ,consumed all the ingredients ,,,,,,what has happened to my spirit,,, I recognize nothing,, the paintings on the walls are of despair,,,,,,,, I arrive at the end of this dark and eery way and hesitate to continue and then an unrecognizable voice softly says welcome to "The Unkown"...

If You Only Knew

Here, now and thereafter,,, you have permeated the wall of no return, the choice has been made,,,I shall not depart from this urgency of the unknown that I desperately long for,, your words linger on ,, the intensity of your thrust weakens me,,, the foundations start to give way as I try to escape from the grasp of your awakening spirit,, you have left me defenseless as I search for a refuge,,,your forces have captured me as I am a willing prisoner,, I have fallen prey to your seductive whims,,, I feel your breath on my neck as you walk behind me taking a moment to verify the prize,, I say to you "what is this world coming to things are not the same anytime the hunter gets captured by the game " I set the trap and have fallen into your lair ,,,struggling to be free once again you put your arms around me and pierce the skin of my neck suddenly I become weak as you draw all life out of me as I slowly fall you then pick me up and lay me down and place your body on top of mine,,, you look into my eyes and I smile ,,,,, if you only knew.........

Annus Horribilis , Encore

As the leaves fall and the colours of the Canadian Thanksgiving give way to a November triste of greys and hollow feelings. Looking around me I observe the bland faces of certain peoples. After much obsevation the verdict is in. My family of friends are living hellish moments. Clara, Geoff, myself and others,we have experienced and are living these moments of anguish. Kindness is a heavy price to pay, but we are naive and as I say " the choices we made then,,we live the consequences now. The darkness has yet to englobe us completely, we galantly keep our chin up while building a wall to keep out all intruders. The notion that all is lost is but a fleeting thought quickly extinguished by my perserverance. The storm has ravaged our human landscape leaving collateral damage in view. The meaning of " You are going to want to tend your garden very closely"becomes ever so pertinent. The look of Geoff as I see in his eyes leaves me with a sense of hope as we shall overcome this episode of the unknown moment. The clouds will dissapate and the blueness of the horizon will prevail leaving us all with good fortune. I myself shall not change my ways but rest assured that a lesson has been learned. In the upcoming seance " the luck of the Irish "has become the battle cry. My chosen family has suffered but we become stronger and appreciate the fondness of the other, for without each other there is no reason. Yes this has left deep wounds yet our scars will heal. I look up to the sky and clutch a special prayer card given to me recently and say "It has been an Annus Horribilis " now let the games begin. Merci for one and all my chosen family and to you,,Alpha Dog

If You Wish Upon a Star

The sky to-day is blue and neary a star insight. I dance across the clouds as Angels nearby are playing hide-and-seek. I lazily at one point rest my head on your torso and close my eyes as you slowly brush your fingers on my skin. In the near distant I hear the gigiling of the Angels as they blushingly scamper to hide behind a wall of condensation. After a moment I decide to rise and stretch out my arms and in front of me standing is my sister who I had not seen after her passing. I start to cry as tears of joy stream down my face. She tells me that she is well and that she has been decorating heavenly rooms for newly arrived clients. Instead of taking a vacation she had sent me a visitors pass for a few days but warned me that I must not overstay my welcome as my name has not even been put on the waiting list as a future residant. I gaze into her eyes and can see that aging has not taken its toll at all. I ask many questions to catch up on her news and also she inquires about how are parents doing. Michelle tells me that she must leave soon as there is choir practice for the Angels and their is one song that she is practicing and will sing it to me later in the day. We leave our seperate ways promising each other that at nightfall we shall once again be together. I decide to take a walk across the heavens and I gaze across an endless stream of pearly whites that seems to never stop. After walking for what seemed to be forever we decided to lay our heads on a passing cloud and closed our eyes. I then heard rumbling in the background and to my amazement I saw passers by who I seemed to recognize but neither did they stop but waved looking happy and at peace, I felt a warmth engulf me something that I never felt before, I said to myself is this what the holy spirit feels like as the last person went by. I then realized that time had quickly gone by and I did not want to miss seeing Michelle again. Upon my return I saw all the Angels grouped together and the trumpets started to blare and stars started to eclat everywhere. It was like witnessing fireworks but even more impressive. They started to hum and then she stepped away and stood in front of me once again and started to sing these words " If You wish upon a star, I will bring it where you are, if you want me too,I will. Once again tears rolled down my cheeks as she radiantly smiled and kept singing. I am now back home but every time time I look up at the sky I hear her singing once again, " If You Wish Upon a Star .

If Only We Would Have Been On That Island

The what if of time hovers around me as time goes by. I have yet to find the solace of my yearnings. Yes there are moments and times that I feel just maybe it has arrived. Another deception awaits me how naive could I be. The gods must be amused at my once again failure. I can only watch as others seem to be together as one, what is there secret what must I do. I guard my independence jealously and scoff at those who are interdependent. The hipocrosy of my actions do not coincide with how I would want to be. As the minutes of life tick forward I realize that just maybe you are the one. Is this for real or is it just a mirage a shadow of a flirting moment. The winds of my spirit pass through you and have hopefully left their mark. My heart no longer beats but races wildly and has joined the race. A warmness penetrates me and I begain to sweat as beads of water rolls down my torso following the lines and curves of my body. Your skin glides along mine as if we were one,,, euphorie engulfs us and we penetrate through the surface to an other level, the monster roars with great might and sheer delight . The next morning we awake almost lifeless we have vampired our mind ,body and souls to each other. "If only we could have been on that island,,,,,, things would have been so different ".

Tend To Your Garden

As the time clips by and we see for a fleeting moment the hopes and dreams that are just out of our grasp, we then realize how much this very second counts for so much. I no longer think of what could be actually but more so my present state of a situation. I cannot project how it will be later as at this time I can only sustain my present awareness of how I am. The emotions have been put on a missle launch waiting for someone to press the button. The invasion of my most innerself has been pierced and now I am slowly loosing my strength. The SOS is not seen as my vision has been blurred by the constant bombardement of emptiness. The pain of deception has snatched the desire to explore like a thief in the night. I can only save myself from this destruction of unwanted battle grounds. The sirens are ringing alerting me to yet another wave of blitzkrieg. The scores of victims is countless and yet we seem to be oblivious to our often self inflicted wounds. I wait to see how high the toll rates will be. The only way to survive is take control of my situation as Alexandra Spaulding once said." Your going to want to tend your garden very closely."

Moribund

Sombre, noirceur, lifeless, what are we going to do? Many of us seem to be in a state of dispair as we see all around us the ever changing landscape. The news of people and yes friends losing their jobs, living quarters and lifestyles is becoming a daily illness. We all seem to be a witness of this state of despair. Stress has become a guarded enemy that follows each and everyone of us. The clouds announcing a storm seems to be hovering just above like a bride inwaiting. The pangs of painful and wrenching morose has now become the uninvited suitor. The sheer weight of all of this has left deep scars inside that may leave lasting wounds. Indeed we are unable to think clearly at this moment, sleeping has become a prison and even putting down words has no meaning of sense. The patient is being led away in a state of Moribund.